a universal truth

the universe has many knowns and many truths. instinct which governs our daily lives. involuntary reflexes keeping us alive. and natural laws that keep our feet on the ground. we as humans are helpless. we can't argue, we can't negotiate. we must simply accept.

One of these known truths is that:
"Not more than 2 rooms in my house may be clean at any given time."

I just don't understand it.

Just 2 weeks ago our house was immaculate. radiant. dustless, spotless, hairless, smellless, messless. And in just days. DAYS....it all went to shit. We've done a decent enough job of keeping our bedrooms clean. the bathrooms are not yet to the point where you want to wear flip flops into the shower. and the living room is still semi-inhabitable....

But don't, and I mean, don't even imagine setting foot in the kitchen. Or the dining room (well, thats not really a loss, we're never in the dining room anyway) Or the guest suite (the pets have taken over, its nast) and ack! our studio is disgusting! one literally cannot set foot in it. Books and papers strewn about. Memorabilia dangled from its once careful mounting. the dust bunnies attacked you. they clung to your feet and should you kick them up, you chance inhaling their choking filth. they're hungry. hungry for more...dust.

Yesterday I had had it. I engaged "lunatic mode." Armed w/ dual bottles of windex holstered at my hips. Arm bands made of paper towels. A garbage bag the size of Rhode Island. And Led Zeppelin turned up to 11 to quell the screams of the dust bunnies as they were sucked into the darkened abyss of my vacuum.

This morning I'm sitting at my desk again! using my desktop pc. (as opposed to sitting on the couch w/ the laptop) If I wanted to, I can use my desk phone! I can place objects such as a coffee cup on my desk and not worry that a parasitic worm will leap into it. I can play my choice of keyboard or guitar while sitting in any number of chairs. And most gloriously, I can walk from the door to the back of the room, w/out having to pole vault over a pile of crap.

So, one more room is clean. And by cleaning it, I made the kitchen *this much messier* By the time the kitchen is clean again, I'm sure the living room will be trashed beyond recognition.

such is life.

in memory of...

Thank you to all who offered advice, support and sympathy for my poor poor hard drive.

Mr D: lived a good, long life. He was a faithful companion. Even though, I may have neglected to keep him sufficiently defragged, and relegated him to a constant state of haphazard organisation, Mr D: served me w/ steadfast eagerness. He was always there. and I never imagined there would be a day w/out him.

Mr D: was born a Maxtor 40GB. Small by today's standards. but seven years ago it was all I needed to supplement the rest of my computer family. He was stationed alongside Ms C: and became a surrogate father to her son, Mstr E: They lived in a house that Dell built, but thanks to my tech savvy friends, soon became a hip melange of the latest and greatest.

In my college years, Mr D: received his mission in life. While Ms. C: maintained the household's operations, and Mstr E: was the keeper of documents, artwork and other files. Mr D: was the working man in the family. He ran my music editing program - Cool Edit Pro, Photoshop 5, and most important to my sanity - my RPG games. Oh how many a happy eve' was spent annhilating my dormmates over a friendly battle of Q2, UT, R6 and many more. But most recently....

Mr D: was reassigned. What started as a hobby for me quickly became my life's work, my passion. My college years coincided w/ the era of P2P sharing. connected to the world's network. And I began a research and archival project that has consumed me for 4 years and counting. I hit a goldmine earlier this year. and Mr D: was w/ me the whole way.

*****
A few months ago, I noticed that my computer was making a funny sound. One of the hard drives was making a funny cluck-a-cluck-a sound when spinning. Probably not good, but unfortunately I didn't pay much attention. "I better check that out." (I would say to myself) Then in September, I sat down one day to work on my project....

and there was nothing there.

nothing. the little flashlight searched and searched but there was nothing. just a void, a big black hole in My Computer where Mr D: used to be. Mr D: what happened? Did you get sick? was it a stroke? what did I do? years and years of work. it was all gone.

I was smart enough to back up *some* of my project. By some I mean, about 25% - 45%. the rest - I fear I may never be able have again.

***Okay okay don't panic yet***

Dave gets excited over emergencies. He likes to be the level headed point man. and thankfully he stepped right in and got on message boards, trying to find a fix. Meanwhile I'm cowering in a corner, crying and rubbing my hands together, rocking back and forth muttering "all gone, all gone...."

Dave tried everything, even putting Mr D: in the freezer for a few hours. didn't work. no time was wasted. we checked the presumed dead Mr D: into a data recovery shop.

The inital prognosis was unclear. Unfort, there was some damage that would have to be repaired before the shop could even make a diagnosis. If the platter was damaged, it would be a total loss...

and they quoted me at $600 - $2,800 holy effin crap!! Can I put on price on memories? What is the value of 4 years of tireless labour?.... in the end it didn't matter b/c.. (the following is an excerpt from an email from the shop)

"The drive would not allow access due to the maintenance track (servo)being corrupted/blown. The technician then had to begin the time tedious process of writing software and attempting to repair this issue. Unfortunately, none of their efforts yielded positive results. Replacement of the faulty mechanics/electronics and repairs to the maintenance proved ineffective inresolving the problem. The work has been discontinued on this drive and the job has been classified as unrecoverable. "

I got the news at work on Wednesday. I started to cry. The cold, sterile email made me feel worse. Have you no regard for my feelings, man?!

On friday, I rec'd Mr D: back. He was airmailed to me in a cardboard box. The same box which will serve as his coffin, his final resting place forever more. A memorial service is being planned.

*****
I'm about to purchase a new hard drive. I have to move on. There is much work to be done and years and years of work to re-do. I'm planning on picking up a high capacity drive, and a firewire hard drive to back everything up!

Let this be a lesson to all - back up your files! People, and hard drives will inevitably come and go. They are but the shell that returns to dust. But it is the good times we share, the smiles, the laughs, the trials and tribulations. That is the stuff which is life, which is love.

Febtober.

my social life is manic-depressive.

I'll go for weeks where I am never home. Each night a different bar, a different group of friends, drunken overnight jams, rehearsals, shopping sprees. I'll actually call people. emails. IMs.

Then for days, weeks it seems - I'll be asleep every night at 9p. I don't leave my house. I don't want to be dressed. And I certainly don't want to answer the phone.

and occasionally, my blog entries sound like they are written by Christopher Walken

So folks, I'm sorry that I fall into random hibernation periods. My only possible explanation which is not a very good one - is that, I am not capable of multi-tasking.

Once something consumes me - it's all I am capable of focusing on. Historically, consumables have included: a.) certain people 2.) a hobby, such as my 'top secret archival music project' D.) cleaning my house and 5.) absolute no other human involved personal time.

Sometimes it is hard to believe, but I am quite introverted. and neurotic. For anyone who's heard of the Meyers Briggs Jung Keirsey whatever the hell its called these days test - I've been testing as an INFP for years. (Actually, in high school I was INTP. I've actually managed to spawn some emotions as I've grown older.)

Just took the test again the other day when I was home sick. I came up a solid I N and P and 50% F / 50% T So the test confirms my suspicions that I'm only thinking half of the time.

So back to my orig sililoquoy.

What I'm trying to say - is that, I take an extra long time to de-compress. I figure that I require approx. 1 day of seclusion for every 6 hours of time spent socialising. So, 2 nights of bar hopping per week = a full 24 hr period of alone time (not necessarily consecutive hours) needed.

September was Birthday Month. and it was fun! I went out w/ the gals, I drank heavily, I shopped, I went on a road trip. CT boyfriend came here. Sang my last mass at St. Joe's (but thats sad and I'm trying not to think about it) and then Whew! was I tired. The last week was spent in utter isolation. And it was wonderful. Sunday I laid in bed all day and read a book cover to cover. (actually re-read, its a great book that I forgot about) "Like a hole in the head" by Jen Banbury. Thanks, Mic.

and now we've launched into October. My second favourite month of the year! and I PROMISE that I will call. I PROMISE that I'll go out. I have a lot of friends to catch up w/. That is my October Priority. Trust that I have not forgotten about all a youse. and thank you so much for your unending patience and understanding.

However - the big news is that there are a few new projects (consumables) in the works. One involves the starry world of all things Stoney. and the second involves getting my act together. literally. Stay tuned.