things I learned while on my knees....

a few months have gone by...and people have been bugging me to blog. So guess what I'm going to blog about. that's right - cleaning my house. cleaning house. cleaning.

there's been much talk lately amongst my friends - particularly in the area of 'the need for cleansing.' is it b/c a new year is approaching and we're ready to start afresh? do the holidays make us long for happier and simpler (cleanlier) days?

yes and yes as far as I'm concerned. Plus, my dad is coming up on fri and staying over. and as usual, my house is pretty grody.

Dave - did you know our bathtub is white?
We have a bathroom, w/ a bathtub (and a shower, this isn't the 1800s) That's Dave's bathroom and I'm hardly ever in that bathtub b/c I have a full bathroom (shower stall only) in my bedroom suite.

I haven't cleaned that bathtub in, oh, I can't remember how long. and I don't usually clean w/ harsh chemicals. I prefer the non-lethal-won't-give-you-soilentgreencancer-'natural' cleansers (i.e. Dr. Bronner's) but tonight, I had to break out the bleach. and I used a whole bottle scubbing the crap out of the bathroom.

as I was giving myself carpul tunnel syndrome, I was thinking...

I know at least 3 people who are currently in committed relationships that they are unsure of. two of these people are downright unhappy, but are really struggling. "should I break it off? I don't want to hurt their feelings? It's really not that bad" Please!

One of these people is The Not. last week, I sat there patiently listening to the same old story - how stressed out he is over this 'situation'. The Not's girlfriend is semi-long distance and has kids. Kids and Mum are rather attached to The Not, who is desperately trying to cling to his independance. Mum wants to marry The Not. The Not does not even want to move in w/ her. Yet he continues to see her every weekend. and he continues to deal w/ her "separation anxiety" and a host of other very difficult issues.

To most of us, this situation is a no brainer. He knows that:
1. She feels much stronger for him, then he does for her.
2. He's not even ready to move in w/ her
3. She has issues. (yes don't we all, but ...well more on that in a minute)

He's not sure what he should do...

why doesn't he leave? cut his losses. "Thanks for the memories. Better luck next time. Not everybody is for everybody else. Sorry that you couldn't realise that relationships are like jello - the tighter you try to squeeze it, the more it just slips through your fingers." <> there are dozens of ways to leave your lover. ask me for some more lines - I have tons.

At first, I was reluctant to give my opinion b/c, well, it wasn't very nice. but I eventually couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Issues" will not magically go away. And The Not getting closer to the Mum is not going to fix her issues. She has to make the decision to heal herself. If you have inner self-related problems - No one, no thing can fix them. Other people or things or events may inspire you to want to become strong and whole, but in the end You have to make the committment to yourself to research and resolve.

Secondly, he's frustrated b/c he does cares very deeply. I think a very humane side of him wants to take care of the scarred Mum and her kids. But he is becoming very tired from juggling a stressful job and a difficult relationship, and having no personal time for himself.

self immersion.

I was feeling particularly philisophical (is that spelled right, I have no idea) and I said: come to your senses. You have to take care of yourself first. You cannot take care of someone else unless you are strong enough. Its like what the airlines teach you - in case of emergency and loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the ceiling. Place the mask on yourself first. Then place the mask on your kids, neighbour who needs assitance, etc. Furthermore - if everybody took care of him/herself first, then we wouldn't have to worry as much about each other. We might actually be able to live happily. exist is solid, meaningful relationships.

He's not sure that he's ready to be the one to break it off. I say " let the cards fall where they may" things that don't work usually have a funny way of working themselves out.

and something else occured to me

Now, even though our bathtub appeared to be white - - as I started scrubbing and scouring, as I bleached through crusty stains, as I poured boiling water over layers of gook = I saw how really gleaming white the porcelain actually is. The dirt was so gunked on, that you almost couldn't even tell it was dirty,b/c, it was all dirty.

Sometimes, you don't realise how bad the situation is until you begin to fix it. Then you see how nice it can be.

But now...now you notice that it is really clean. It looks clean, it smells clean, and it just feels clean. The clean surface actually reflects the light - making the porclain sparkle.

Sure, before, I had a bathtub. Even though it was disgusting, it was still usuable. But now that it is clean, I can't believe how bad it was. I can't believe that Dave continued to shower in it and didn't fear contracting ebola. And I really hope that we don't ever let it get that nasty again. Not only did it look crappy, it was unhealthy!

so friends, I offer this to you for your consideration -

How clean is your bathtub?